Imperfect Perfectionist

per·fec·tion·ist [pərˈfekSH(ə)nəst]

Noun: a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection.

Adjective: refusing to accept any standard short of perfection.

I was recently accused of being a perfectionist.

I say accused because the term was not altogether complimentary.

A perfectionist sets standards for themselves that they judge themselves against, and assume others judge them in a similar manner.

“Good enough” is not in the perfectionist’s vocabulary other than to mean failure.

“Try” is an excuse used when you fail.

“Everybody is human, and humans are imperfect” is not only another euphemism for failure, but is a challenge to disprove the adage, because everybody is ‘perfect’ at something, right?

Therefore, depending on how harsh one judges themselves, perfectionists are in a constant state of failure. The perfectionist is often unable to accept praise for quality product, because s/he will be able to point to the faults in the final product, and wonders why other cannot see the often-minuscule faults and errors that plague, and indeed haunt them.

For the general population, somebody who strives for and often achieves outstanding, even exemplary, results, occasional or ongoing praise is accepted, albeit reluctantly, depending on the resolve of the individual’s humility.

However, consider a perfectionist who has a persistent, and often overwhelming and unwavering belief of unworthiness, coupled with occasional genuine failure (perfectionists know that Second Place is just the first in a long line of losers) and you have the perfect recipe for deteriorating mental wellness that gets worse every time you fail.

The genuine failure does not have to be in the present, but failure is failure whether it is a “B” in Grade 10 History or an adult prison sentence, and stands out in the mind of the perfectionist as a personal blight that EVERYBODY can see.

Since failure is unforgivable (and often unavoidable), the imperfect perfectionist follows Alice down the spiraling rabbit hole drawing the perfectionist’s mind to deeper malaise that s/he may not be able to come out of without help.

The conundrum being that since the perfectionist is, by definition perfect, asking for and/or receiving assistance comes at great personal cost – and not everybody is willing or able to pay that cost (personal or monetary) even if it means further deteriorating mental wellness.

That being said, there is professional help available to keep the imperfect perfectionist off the ledge, but the journey out of the rabbit hole can be a long and winding experience – just ask Alice.